Blog, Politics, Psychology

Where are all the adults?

Originally Published 12/14/16 on Nation of Change

The election of someone so unfit as Trump to be President not only opens up, but relives old traumas. No wonder why Trump arouses such intense feelings.

An important concept from General Psychology, the Parentified Child, is key to understanding why so many are suffering from feelings that everything is completely falling apart. In a word, many are not only overwhelmed by, but alternate between intense feelings of anger, hopelessness, and despair.

Parentified Children are children who early in life had to assume the role of a parent because their actual parents were unable to function as adults. Whether the parents suffered from debilitating mental illness, serious alcohol or drug addiction, were generally incompetent, or were unavailable emotionally, the basic roles between parents and children were fundamentally reversed.

Because the parents weren’t dependable, or fully present, the children had no alternative but to step in and keep things running as best they could. Thus, the children often prepared meals, dressed younger kids for school, etc. But as a result, the children had no childhoods themselves. This not only produced major bouts of depression later in life (normal disappointments and setbacks were magnified), but lifelong feelings of intense anger towards the parents, and adults in general.

I know all of this for a fact for I was a Parentified Child. My mother suffered from a chronic, debilitating form of depression and my father drove a cab at nights to get away from a sick wife and two young kids. My brother and I were thereby essentially left on our own to care for our mother and ourselves as best we could, which was difficult since there was barely enough money for food and rent for the run-down flats in which we lived.

However, I was blessed with brains. Since I didn’t want to live like my parents, and I did extremely well in school, I embraced education with a fierce passion. It was my ticket out of poverty. I not only ended up getting a PhD, but became a professor and a student for life. In short, those who have the character to survive bad, if not lost, childhoods have also developed the fortitude and will that are necessary for success later in life.

As a result of both my background and education, I understand perfectly what many are feeling, namely where are all the adults who are supposed to help take care of us? Just when the office of the Presidency calls for the most mature, healthy-minded, and highly functioning adult, we’ve elected someone who at best is nothing more than a highly disturbed child, and clearly, an out-and-out demagogue. This not only angers me greatly, but absolutely scares me to hell. My worst nightmare has come to life. Once again the children are put in the position of acting as grownups.

The election of someone so unfit as Trump to be President not only opens up, but relives old traumas. No wonder why Trump arouses such intense feelings.

If in addition, we add what’s going on in the world around us, then truly a dark cloud of bitter hopelessness has descended upon us: Civility has all but vanished. We’re assaulted daily by rudeness everywhere we turn. Dangerous driving has reached epidemic proportions. Madmen are in control of crazy so-called nation states. We live under a perpetual cloud of terrorism. Before and after Trump’s election, there’s been a dangerous surge in hate crimes. The one-percent continue to enrich themselves at the literal expense of everyone else. Callous unfeeling madmen do indeed run the world. They have to be carefully monitored and checked assiduously every day.

If there is a saving grace, and I believe there is, Parentified Children also live with an abiding sense of hope that things will ultimately get better, that somewhere, somehow, adults will eventually come to the rescue. I have never given up the hope that things will get better. After all, they did for me.

But for real hope to exist, we first have to recognize and accept that we are going through what Parentified Children suffered early in life.

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Blog, Politics, Psychology

The Parentized Child Presidency

Originally published 12/09/16 on Nation of Change

Those of us who didn’t vote for Trump–the cast-off, disadvantaged children–will have to monitor Trump very closely.

A central concept from Psychoanalysis, the Parentized Child, is key to understanding why Donald Trump was elected in the first place, and secondly, what must be done to preserve the nation from the damage he will surely wreck.

Parentized Children are children who early in life had to assume the role of a parent because their actual parents were not up to the task of acting as adults. Whether the parents suffered from debilitating mental illness, serious alcohol or drug addiction, or were generally incompetent, the basic roles between parents and children were fundamentally reversed. Because the parents weren’t dependable, the children had no alternative but to step in and keep things running as best they could. Thus, the children prepared meals, dressed younger kids for school, etc. But as a result, the children had no childhood. This not only produced major bouts of depression later in life, but lifelong anger.

Of course, I don’t know what Trump’s childhood was actually like, but it’s clear that we’ve put someone who is not fully developed—a highly disturbed child—into a role that calls for an extremely competent, healthy adult. I suspect that a major factor for this is the fact that Hillary was viewed as extremely flawed parent who couldn’t be trusted. Therefore, a seriously undeveloped child was viewed, at least by those who voted for him, as the only sensible alternative. In effect, were those who voted for Trump acting as Parentized Children in expressing their intense hatred of Hillary? Was “Lock Her Up!” really a barely disguised call to “Lock Up the Bad Parent?”

Here’s precisely where another fundamental role reversal is called for. Those of us who didn’t vote for Trump–the cast-off, disadvantaged children–will have to monitor Trump very closely because a child acting in the role that calls for a healthy, well-developed adult cannot be trusted for one nanosecond to head the biggest “family” in the world. In short, are we cast into the role of Parentized Children?

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Blog, Politics

The Trump Presidency: A Bitter Dialectic

Originally published 12/09/2016 on the Huffington Post

I am caught on the poles of a bitter dialectic. It’s every bit as bitter as the divide that separates us.

On the one side of dialectic, I desperately want President Elect Trump to succeed for our sake, not his. Unlike Senator Mitch McConnell who said when Obama was first elected, “We must do everything in our power to make this President fail,” I don’t wish Trump to fail, for if he fails, then we fail as a nation even more. I want to give him every chance to succeed.

I want President Elect Trump to display the qualities he did during his 60 Minutes interview. He was articulate, mostly sensible, and more coherent than I’ve ever seen him before. I want him to act as he did when he met with President Obama. He was not only respectful, but genuine in his praise for the President. He was clearly awed, if not overwhelmed by the job he was to undertake.

I’m heartened that he doesn’t necessarily want to do away with every aspect of Obama Care, or so he said during his interview. I want him to heal this bitterly divided nation. I want him to pass a jobs bill so that those who’ve been hurt most by the Great Recession can be put back to work. I hope fervently that he can help us to stop demonizing one another.

On the other side of the dialectic, I’m still smarting from Trump’s god-awful insults and rhetoric during the campaign. It was the worst that I’ve ever witnessed in my lifetime. I’m appalled that he still wants to ban Muslims and build a wall with Mexico. But most of all, I’m deeply frightened that he’s chosen someone like Steve Bannon to be his Chief Strategist. Bannon is undeniably a racist. Rudi Giullani scares me no less. I’m left with the overpowering feeling that The Rats Are Coming Onboard The Ship of State. God-awful indeed!

So where does that leave me? I still want Trump to succeed, but I feel we have to monitor him closely every step of the way. Maybe he’ll resign or be impeached as some are prophesying, but that would leave us with the arguably even worse prospect of Mike Pence and his horribly restricted, punitive world-view.

Hope for the best but be extremely vigilant is the best with which I’m left. I am hopeful but afraid!

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Blog, Politics

Is A Trump Presidency Fundamentally Capable Of Success?

Originally Published November 23, 2016 on the Huffington Post

With every passing day, I am tipping towards one side of a bitter dialectic

On the one hand, I would like President-Elect Trump to succeed for all our sakes. Unlike Senator Mitch McConnell, who said when Obama was first elected, “We must do everything in our power to make this President fail,” I don’t fundamentally want Trump to fail, for if he fails, then we all do. I want to give him every chance to succeed.

I want President-Elect Trump to display the qualities he did during his 60 Minutes interview. He was articulate, sensible, and far more coherent than I’ve ever seen him. I want him to act as he did when he met with President Obama. He was not only respectful but genuine in his praise for the President. He was clearly awed, if not overwhelmed by the job he was to undertake.

I’m heartened that he doesn’t want to do away with every aspect of Obamacare, or so he said during his interview. I want him to heal this bitterly divided nation. I want him to pass a jobs bill so that those who’ve been hurt most by the Great Recession can be put back to work. I hope fervently that he can help us to stop demonizing one another.

On the other side of the dialectic, I’m still smarting from Trump’s god-awful insults and rhetoric during the campaign. It was the worst that I’ve ever witnessed in my lifetime. But most of all, I’m deeply frightened that he’s chosen someone like Steve Bannon to be his Chief Strategist. Bannon is undeniably a racist. Rudy Giuliani scares me no less. And, Jeff Sessions as Attorney General? The rats are coming onboard, not leaving, the ship of state!

Trump has time to tweet about Vice President-Elect Mike Pence’s affront by the cast of Hamilton, but he doesn’t have any time to disavow the worst White Supremacist hate groups that hail him with Hitler-like salutes.

He also tweets that his conflicts of interest with his far-flung businesses are due to the “crooked media.” He just can’t be civil. He can’t let things go.

So where does that leave me? I would still like Trump to succeed, but I’m more dubious than ever that he is capable of doing so with every passing day. Maybe he’ll resign or be impeached as some are prophesying, but that would leave us with the arguably even worse prospect of Mike Pence and his horribly restricted, punitive worldview.

I’m afraid that we’re headed towards a Constitutional crisis. Trump clearly has no intention of divesting his numerous properties that is necessary to place them in a blind trust. It makes a complete mockery of the Clinton Foundation’s supposedly “pay for play.”

Try as I would like to give Trump every chance to succeed, he makes me angrier and more afraid every day.

Dialectic over!

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Blog, Politics

More Fearful Than Ever

Originally published November 16, 2017 on the Huffington Post

While Donald Trump’s recent appearance on 60 Minutes may have calmed some of my fears, he has not put all of them to rest. Indeed, he’s even exacerbated them.

Given the low bar that he’s set repeatedly, he was more articulate, calm, and coherent than I had any reason to expect. But his past inflammatory comments are real cause for widespread demonstrations. His repeated inability/refusal to acknowledge the legitimate anxieties and fears of the protesters, and that they are not “professionals,” is highly disconcerting. But worst of all is his selection of Steve Bannon as his Chief Strategist. The choice of an out-and-out declared racist belies any desire to heal and to bring us together.

Rudy Giuliani scares me as much, if not more. He would be Secretary of State or Defense? He would be that close to the Big Bad Button? These are the actual and potential cabinet choices that are supposed to heal a highly fractured country?

I find myself caught between wanting to give Donald Trump every chance to succeed and watching his every move and statements with acute apprehension.

However, as much as I’m angry at the election of Donald Trump, I’m even more so with my fellow Democrats. How could we have selected such a flawed candidate who couldn’t really get in touch with the deep anger of the electorate and thus couldn’t truly connect emotionally with their pain?

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Blog, Politics

“Make America Intelligent and Sane Again!”

Originally published October 25th, 2016 on The Huffington Post

“Make America Intelligent and Sane Again!”
Hillary has been criticized, among many things, for not having a punchy, one-liner that defines her campaign. I have one: “Make America Intelligent and Sane Again!”

But beyond one-liners, the most daunting task facing Hillary, assuming of course that she wins—which seems very likely—is what she can do to heal the rift that threatens to plunge us into an even deeper cultural war, one from which we may never recover.

For a starter, she needs to travel weekly to the Hill to meet with both Republican and Democratic lawmakers. They should not travel to her. That sends the wrong signal.

Much more important, she needs to appoint prominent Republicans to major Cabinet posts. Given their heavy criticism, a Republican as The Head off Veterans Affairs makes perfect sense. More significantly, given the even more intense criticism and bitter opposition to the Affordable Care Act, appointing a “sensible” Republican as the Head of Health and Human Services also makes sense. By “sensible,” I mean someone who wants to make good health care affordable and accessible to all, and not just rip the Affordable Care Act to shreds. Because it’s so daunting is precisely why it needs to be done.

Finally, I don’t know what to call it, but we desperately need to foster dialogue through a nation-wide series of associations, clubs, forums, etc. that will bring us together by discussing what we share in common, however little it may be.

In sum, we need to “Make America Intelligent and Sane Again!”

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Blog, Media + Politics, Politics

Getting Beyond The False Contentions That Keep People From Voting For Hillary

Originally Published October, 10, 2016 on The Huffington Post

I am astounded by the reasons (more accurately, “raw feelings!”) that people give for not being able to vote for Hillary Clinton. Basically, they boil down to four.

The first and most pernicious—a lie actually—is that not only is she untrustworthy, but even worse, she’s totally corrupt. For this reason alone, she is basically unfit to be President. As Trump’s supporters never tire of shouting, “Lock Her Up!”

The second follows almost automatically from the first. She is too guarded and therefore not authentic. In brief, she’s unlikeable. She’s unable to show her true feelings and thus connect with larger audiences. Once again, this makes her untrustworthy.

The third is that voting for her is merely a vote for the lesser of two evils.

A fourth is that a vote for a third party candidate is a vote for someone better who can live up to one’s ideals.

Let me respond very briefly to each with the clear recognition that if one is committed fervently, then there is little that I or anyone else can say that will cause them to abandon their beliefs.

If Hillary were as corrupt as she’s alleged, wouldn’t 30 years be enough time to convict her? Haven’t enough parties tried their damnedest to do exactly this to no avail?

Making mistakes and lapses of judgment do not make one evil. Lack of perfection is not equivalent to being evil.

Hillary is not the lesser of two evils. By virtue of her intelligence, long years of public service, depth of knowledge and experience, she is eminently qualified to be President. The same coolness and reserve for which she is so roundly criticized are the very attributes that, unlike her opponent, make her temperamentally fit to be President.

There is too much riding in this election to throw one’s vote away. And sadly, that’s exactly what a vote for a third-party candidate is, especially for someone who is supremely ignorant of world affairs.

I will never forgive Ralph Nader for allowing George W Bush to be elected under the false contention that there were, and are, no real differences between the two major parties. There certainly were and there are now between the two candidates.

Unfortunately, a quote—and I paraphrase— that is attributed to Jonathan Swift sums up the matter, “You cannot reason a man out of that he was not reasoned into in the first place.”

I hope fervently that there are enough people who can be reasoned beyond the falsehoods that are attributed to Hillary.

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Blog, Politics

Immediate Release from Donald J. Trump: I’m Resigning the Nomination

Originally published August 5, 2016 on The Huffington Post

Today I have decided not to run for President. Although I would have made the most marvelous President you wouldn’t believe, Ted Cruz, the Kahn family, and the liberal media have launched such vicious attacks and lies against me that I am forced to devote all my energy to fighting back. And, fight back I must and I will!

In not allowing the attacks to go unanswered, I am fighting for all of you that believe in me and America. Only I can still save America from my new TV network that I am starting immediately. It will be the biggest success you have never seen.

Besides, boring Mike, what’s his name, can do the most marvelous inadequate job better than I can, although I would be great at it.

To all my loyal, patriotic followers, we will Make America Great Again by your watching me watch TV.

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Blog, Politics, Psychology

The Unraveling Of The American Mind

Originally published August 2nd, 2016 in the Huffington Post

Donald Trump is the quintessential illustration of the phenomenon known as Splitting that the highly influential child psychoanalyst Melanie Klein identified early in the 20th century. Indeed, he is the poster child for Splitting!

Even though I have written about Klein before in The Huffington Post, her ideas bear repeating since they are indispensable in understanding our current predicament.

By means of play therapy, which she literally invented, Klein was able to get at the earliest, preverbal, unconscious fantasies of children during the first two to three years of their lives. Since young children couldn’t talk cogently about their innermost feelings and emotions, Klein was able to see what was going on by observing how children treated dolls that represented the prime characters in their lives. Thus, if the mommy and daddy dolls were constantly angry and fighting with one another and the child doll, then Klein was able to understand the emotional conflicts the child was struggling to deal with. For this reason, it is said that if Freud discovered the child in the adult, then Klein discovered the infant in the child. Klein thus pushed back even further our understanding of the roots of human behavior.

One of Klein’s earliest discoveries was that the fantasies of very young children revealed that there is an extremely powerful and destructive side to humans during the first years of their lives. The fantasies were basically due to the fact that very young children experienced extreme anger and frustration over the fact that they didn’t have complete control over the primary caretaker who was responsible for feeding them both physically and emotionally. When Klein wrote early in the 20th century, this was primarily the mother.

Klein established that under the age of three, children split the image of the mother into a “good mother” who cared and administered to the child’s every need exactly when the child wanted it and a “ bad mother” who had to discipline the child and couldn’t be there exactly on the child’s schedule. Because the child’s mind was not yet mature enough, it couldn’t comprehend, let alone reconcile, that the “good” and the “bad mother” were one and the same. In other words, to the young child, there were two separate mothers.

This helps to explain why fairytales are so appealing to young children. The “good witch” and “bad witch” help young children cope psychologically with the issues they are struggling to comprehend. Namely, how can young children reconcile that the good and the bad mother are one and the same? Thus, fairytales allow children to “act out” safely the emotional conflicts they are experiencing. That’s why the “bad witch” is always killed—indeed, has to die—and the “good witch” eventually triumphs.

(Notice carefully that when Splitting is not understood for what it is, then the fairytales of young children easily morph into destructive national myths, stories, and fantasies about “dangerous foreigners” who are out to “rape and murder us.”)

One of the critical functions of the parents is to provide a “healthy container” to help the young child literally “contain” the raging emotions that pulse through them uncontrollably. If the parents do not either over or under react to the child’s emotions, verbal outbursts, and fantasies, then the child eventually learns to contain his or her emotions and hence heal the split images between the “good” and the “bad” parents. The child eventually comes to accept emotionally that the “good” and the “bad” aspects of the parents are located in the same person. He or she also eventually comes to accept that there are good and bad sides to everyone, especially themselves. Nonetheless, even under the best of circumstances, Splitting lasts for a lifetime.

Klein termed the earliest stage of human development “the paranoid-schizoid position.” It was “paranoid” because the young child feared that the parent would either hurt or abandon him or her; “schizoid” because of the phenomenon of Splitting.

Most children naturally develop out of this earlier stage, but some form of Splitting stays with us our entire lives. Indeed, in times of extreme stress or threat, we shouldn’t be surprised at all to find people regressing or reverting back to the paranoid-schizoid position.

With Trump’s constant denigration of blacks, Hispanics, women, Muslims, etc., Splitting is constantly on display. In short, it’s a major component of Trump’s character and persona.

One of the worst consequences of Splitting is that those who are under its grip promote and engage in actions that actually further their dangerous views of the world. They become self-fulfilling.

They actually believe that there are “good” versus “bad guys” and that the differences between them are real and clear-cut. Further, since the bad guys are extremely dangerous, if not evil through and through, they must be controlled by any means, if not eliminated altogether. The supreme irony is that through their beliefs and actions, they are responsible for the creation of “bad guys.” But then, one’s inner fears are often projected outwards. For how can the “bad guys” be part of oneself?

In casting Trump as a premier example of Splitting, I am of course engaging in the very phenomenon as well. He is The Supreme Bad Guy!

No one is ever entirely free of Splitting. The only difference is between those who are aware of it and those who are not, but then there I go again!

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Blog, Gun Control, Politics

Standing Up To Radical Gun Fundamentalists

Originally published June 20, 2016 on the Huffington Post

We are told by Donald Trump and others that we should not shy away from calling “them” for what they truly are: “Radical Islamist Terrorists.” To refrain from using the correct term is not only akin to siding with the terrorists, but unless we recognize and call it for what it is, we cannot combat terrorism effectively. Accordingly, we should not shy away from calling another radical group by what they are: “Radical Gun Fundamentalists.”

In 2009, Dennis A. Henigan, then vice president for law and policy at the Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence, published Lethal Logic: Exploding The Myths That Paralyze American Gun Policy. It’s a must read for everyone who desires to curb the scourge of guns in American society.

A quote from an unidentified leader of the NRA says it all: “You would get a far better understanding if you approached us as if you were approaching one of the great religions of the world.” In short, the 2nd Amendment is a fundamental article of faith that’s self-evident and undeniably “true.” So is the “fact” that the government cannot be trusted to keep us safe. Indeed, the government is to be feared. The only sane alternative is for each individual to be fully armed to protect him or herself from tyranny. There cannot and should not be any restrictions of the right to bear any and all types of arms.

There you have it: “Radical Gun Fundamentalism.”

If Orlando, Paris, San Bernardino, etc. show that we have much to fear from lone wolf terrorists acting in the name of Radical Islam, i.e., ISIS, then Orlando also shows that we have as much to fear from “Radical Gun Fundamentalists” who willingly allow those who have been on FBI terrorist watch lists to purchase legally weapons designed for war.

Standing up to Radical Gun Fundamentalists has never been more clear or important. One type of fundamentalism is as bad as the other.

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