Blog, Politics

Immediate Release from Donald J. Trump: I’m Resigning the Nomination

Originally published August 5, 2016 on The Huffington Post

Today I have decided not to run for President. Although I would have made the most marvelous President you wouldn’t believe, Ted Cruz, the Kahn family, and the liberal media have launched such vicious attacks and lies against me that I am forced to devote all my energy to fighting back. And, fight back I must and I will!

In not allowing the attacks to go unanswered, I am fighting for all of you that believe in me and America. Only I can still save America from my new TV network that I am starting immediately. It will be the biggest success you have never seen.

Besides, boring Mike, what’s his name, can do the most marvelous inadequate job better than I can, although I would be great at it.

To all my loyal, patriotic followers, we will Make America Great Again by your watching me watch TV.